life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
