Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
