i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
