six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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