we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
