Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize