Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
