why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
