you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize