According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
