did you get engaged???
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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