You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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