I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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