dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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