and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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