You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
