So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
