I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
