Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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