I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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