Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
