he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
