Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
