I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It was confusing and full of hummus
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
