Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
