I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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