toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
