I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
