corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
