one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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