I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
