I CAN MOONWALK!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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