wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
