I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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