you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
