my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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