I wish I only lived at night.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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