I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
