Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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