The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
