i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
