I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
