Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
