So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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