Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
