i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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