Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
