thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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