The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
