are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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