he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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