fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
