I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
