I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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