...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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