I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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