Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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