i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
