the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
