Porn is love you can see.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
