If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
