Dual....:-)
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
