ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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