Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
