Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
