So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
