True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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