She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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