dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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