My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
