if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
