Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
