I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
