there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize