bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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