I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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