I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
