He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
