Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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