yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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